I was walking past the television where my parents were settling down to watch one of the soppiest movies that Hollywood has ever produced, The Notebook. Two and a half hours later as I watched the credits rolling I realised something was different. I had seen it before (ok I own it on DVD) and been sucked in by the romance and sentimentality despite the cynical side of my brain’s most ardent protests. I may even have cried. As I watched I found myself becoming slightly uncomfortable and surprisingly it had nothing to do with Ali and Noah going at it like rabbits on the screen whilst I sipped tea and sat awkwardly pretending not to notice.
As I pondered this (the feeling of being uncomfortable not the rabbits that is) it occurred to me, this was the first romance I’d seen since the dissolution of my very own love story. The two can not be compared of course but I was sitting there thinking, were we as sickening as that? Most of our species experience the roller coaster of first love and relationships in their mid teens or early twenties but for a range of reasons I was 28. For some reason for years I found it incredibly embarrassing to admit that I too wanted a boyfriend and would scoff at the suggestion of it even being a possibility. Eventually life begins to change and many of my friends are now married, starting a family or both. After some gentle encouragement from certain friends I decided to dip my toe into the turbulent world of dating and see what happend.
I expected to encounter some resistance or ridicule if I mentioned my plans to others so I kept them to myself and quietly went about the business of creating the fabulous new Nina. I decided that there was an element of truth to that old adage of loving and accepting myself before anyone else can and I began seeing a therapist who has helped me to change my thinking and gain some perspective. I also tried a meditation course which unfortunately wasn’t for me.
Then it was onto my image. I had always thought of myself as being somewhat stylish and it was this I think that possessed me to hire a stylist for a wardrobe overhaul. This was not as glamorous as I’d imagined and proved slightly traumatic as an assortment of garments and accessories were removed after being declared “all wrong for me”. A slight blow to my ego… Reasoning that my birthday suit (despite being my perfect fit and colour) wouldn’t be sufficient to sustain me through all occasions, it was time to restock. I stood in the change room of Myers as an array of clothing was presented to me to try on. The brief was strict, in order to be at my optimum style level my new image was to be what was termed as rock chick meets boy. This included a couple of items that I hated at first but have since grown to love. However there is a particular pair of floral skinny jeans I’ll probably never wear. The new image also included having my ears pierced, hair streaked and nails done. This better be worth it I thought.
The third step is ongoing and includes 2 hours of gym and 1 hour of Pilates each week. In truth, this is more about gaining strength, stability and functionality to assist me in my daily life although I am not so secretly proud of my little guns and almost six pack. Not bad for a girl who wasn’t supposed to be able to surpass 20 per cent muscle capacity!
Unlike The Notebook my story has not been wrapped up yet and although I have met some amazing people(one in particular) I have yet to find the perfect person for me but am open to all future possibilities.
In the meantime if anyone is interested my number is 0488 … Just kidding.