If my life was a musical it would definitely be Mamma Mia the movie. You know, a talented woman being severely under utilized and a bunch of people around me acting badly. Don’t get me wrong, I love Colin Firth but if he’s ever possessed with an urge to sing in a film again someone should revoke his Oscar!
Clearly I jest (seriously Colin, stick to acting) but suddenly I have been struck with an overwhelming feeling that something is missing. The problem is I have no idea what it is. Already this year, I’ve loved and lost my first boyfriend, been on a fabulous overseas holiday (my first in 14 years) and regained a level of independence and confidence way beyond what I had when I could see properly, and yet it doesn’t seem enough. Am I being greedy?
I had fantasies of 2013 being my year, the year where, I’d meet prince charming (Justin Hamilton would be nice) who would envelope me in a world of creativity, humour and ok, romance. Actually, I saw Justin do his solo show at the Perth International Comedy Festival in May and enjoyed it so much I sent him an email to tell him so. I never do this and loathe people who do or at least I did until he wrote me back! I assume he writes back to everyone who takes the time to contact him but as the email I got ended with an X (a kiss to the uninitiated) it’s obvious that he felt the connection too. I wonder why I haven’t heard from him again…I guess he must just be busy…
I had also vowed to step out of my comfort zone but really the most adventurous thing I’ve done so far is go sand duning with my brother in Kalbarri. He wouldn’t even let me drive! According to him this is because I haven’t got a license but personally I think it’s because I’m blind. Isn’t that discrimination? Outrageous! I bet I wouldn’t even be the only blind driver on the road.
In fact, the goal wasn’t so much adventure but rather harnessing the confidence to strike out on my own. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this but going places i.e. work, gym, to social gatherings etc under my own steam is as much to prove I can to myself as it is to prove it to others.Sometimes I think I am the biggest barrier to my progress. This also includes making my own decisions and being secure enough to stand by them. The realization that as an adult I don’t need to ask permission or seek approval has just dawned on me. I’m also told that I don’t need to apologize for existing, what a revelation. So far the “journey” has been quite liberating.
As I write this there are exactly 2 months until my 29th birthday, I’m not sure how I will mark the occasion yet though. Maybe I should try sky diving…