Now I don’t want to make an assumption, but if a man hasn’t called me for more than three weeks I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to. No matter how many times we pashed on the driveway. It’s a real shame too. He was everything you could want in a man; tall, dark and handsome with a good job and a nice car. And a sweetheart to boot. He did have one major flaw though; he is a West Coast Eagles supporter. So perhaps I dodged a bullet there.
Don’t get me wrong, I would still like him to call (although I’m not sure what I’d say to him if he did) and I am a bit disappointed that he seems to have had enough Nina in his life. But surprisingly (to me at least), I am not devastated. I am just confused.
After my last relationship which I ended in July of 2015, I had said “no more dating.” It had taking me a long time to get over breaking up with Matt, my first long (ish) term boyfriend and I did harbour some resentment towards him for breaking up with me. It wasn’t until the shoe was on the other foot and I had to do the breaking up that I realised how hard it actually is to breakup with someone especially when you actually do care for them.
From then on I decided to work on me and by the end of the year I was happier, more content and more confident than I had ever been. I liked my job. My blog and my writing career were really starting to take off and were creating new and exciting opportunities for me every day, and my apartment with the “Carrie Bradshaw” wardrobe and city views had finally begun construction. In short, I had managed to convince myself that all of this, along with my sparkling personality and incredible wit (let me have this) made me a very attractive person, at least on paper. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself and I was happy to go it alone.
Then a cute boy with a hot accent crossed my path and that all changed. We talked a lot and by the time we finally met we knew more about each other than most couples learn in a decade. We even knew each other’s blood type (don’t ask). Yes, the first date had a few little awkward moments but overall it seemed to go well and he called me the next day to say he wanted to see me again.
So I am not really sure what happened. I would like to think it wasn’t anything to do with my having a disability (yes I made sure he knew about it before we met) but maybe that is what it was. I suppose if you don’t have one yourself, a person with a disability might seem a bit daunting. Surely it couldn’t have been me?
Just like the Apple TV I got for my birthday that I didn’t particularly want but now can’t live without, I have realised that maybe I do want someone to share my adventures with after all.
I don’t want someone to be my life (I have my own) and I don’t want to be the centre of theirs. I have been there and being worshipped isn’t as good as it sounds. Having said that though, I refuse to be anyone’s after thought either. Is that too demanding?
On a lighter note. Yesterday I ran into Matt at a function. It was the first time we had seen each other since breaking up almost 2 years ago. It had to happen sooner or later considering that we work around the corner from each other but still finally seeing him after so long took me by surprise.
I thought to myself “I’m glad I chose this dress today, I look hot.” The problem was so did he…Damn it!