The other day I found myself watching the documentary “Animism: people who love objects” on ABC iView. It was about people who classify themselves as “objectumsexual.” For anyone who does not know, an objectumsexual is someone who instead of being attracted to men or women, is attracted to objects.
There was the woman in love with her bow and arrow, the guy in love with his sound system and the women who were married to (yes married to!) the Eiffel Tower and a Ferris wheel respectively. Then there was the guy who was in love with his car and was also the only one to admit to a physical relationship with his “partner.” (remind me never to get into that car).
I am not sure what it says about me, but I didn’t seem to find any of this particularly strange or shocking. I mean, who was I to judge? For more than 10 years I was genuinely in love with Australian television personality Todd McKenney who I fell in love with after seeing him play the very camp Peter Allen in the Australian incarnation of the stage musical The Boy from Oz. My infatuation only ended when I met him several years later. He was witty, charming and oh so good looking (or at least I thought so at the time), but unfortunately he was a smoker and I’m afraid that was an absolute deal breaker. The poor guy must have been so disappointed. If this was not embarrassing enough I was also once married to our clothesline (see post “The power of word“).
The only thing that really confronted me about the documentary was the fact that each of the inanimate objects had a name. Not a generic name like car or arrow. Or a cute pet name such as Honey or Sweetie. But a real human name like Bruce which was the name of the Ferris wheel. Not only that, but each object was referred to with a personal pronoun ( He, She etc.). I suppose this is just good manners though. I imagine it would be quite awkward making conversation with someone whom you’ve just been intimate with if you did not know their name. Especially if you needed to drive them home afterwards.
On top of this, these objects (or parts thereof ) go everywhere with their lovers.
I am in a similar relationship (minus the intimacy) with Cecily, my walking frame. I didn’t give her that name. It was given to her by a friend of mine and it stuck. I have never really been fond of using “disabled words” such as carer or walking frame, so I began introducing people to Cecily just as if she was a real person (I promise I really do actually have friends). Now this is how she is known by everyone. Of course there are those who are uncomfortable with my disability (I have no idea why though, I am the one who lives with it), and these people prefer not to used her name. In fact, they prefer to pretend that she does not exist at all. I wonder if this is helping them, or if they think it is helping me?
Anyway, given this, and the fact that we are pretty much inseparable and it’s virtually impossible that anyone could come between us, I am now worried that our closeness maybe misconstrued.
So Cicely if you’re reading this, I think you’re fantastic but perhaps it would be better if we just remain good friends.