My reaction to the ABC documentary “You can’t ask that! Visual difference”


After watching the ABC’s fabulous documentary “You can’t ask that! Visual difference” naturally, I felt a blog coming on.


I also have a very sore neck from nodding in agreement. And my tummy hurt from laughing so hard.


I know I have covered this topic many times before. But what can I say? I couldn’t help myself.  


I am not in the habit of doing it, but if I asked someone “do you think I’m pretty?”  The answer will most certainly be yes.


If I make a negative comment about my appearance, I can almost guarantee that I will be contradicted.


Often, not only contradicted, but also told off.


I get random strangers tell me that I am “gorgeous, beautiful” or worst of all, “cute,” completely out of the blue.


This is not because I look like Scarlett Johansson I assure you.


Then there are the conversations, often with strangers, who feel the need to tell me what might “help” me to look more “normal.” 


Or the one with people that tell me about someone I remind them of (not because we both look different though). They used to be miserable but after having plastic surgery got married and lived happily ever after. 


They possibly also got themselves a rainbow coloured unicorn.


Then there are the people come up to me on special occasions (after I have spent a king’s ransom and an entire day making myself look gorgeous ) who say “it’s such a shame that you have to bring that ” when they see me hobbling toward them with Cecily, my walking frame. 


And my favourite, the people who say, “I don’t see your disability, I just see Nina,” without actually being asked.


This, by the way, is much more offensive than if you were staring!


I hate that people assume that I am ashamed of myself because I look different or because I am disabled.


Sure, I’d love to have bigger boobs (or any boobs at all actually). It would make my clothes sit so much better. But other than that, I don’t think I would change anything if I got the chance. 


I realise that a few people won’t believe me. But that says more about them than me.


Of course, they these things because they think they need to boost my confidence but what they are actually doing is trying to convince themselves that they are not uncomfortable with how I look.


It’s 2017, a disabled or visually different person is no longer required to lock themselves away (Yes there was a time when it was commonplace, even in Australia).


To borrow a phrase from another marginalised group in society, “We are here, we’re queer, get used to it!”



I won’t bother telling you how confident in myself I am, because if I need to do that, then your discomfort with my disability would have prevented you from finding my blog anyway…


What I will say though, is that if you’ve had as many operations as I have, you wouldn’t be too keen to have more surgery either.


Furthermore, what would be the point? To get myself a boyfriend? 


Well, there’s more to life than that.  And besides, I’ve already got one of those!




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