Gee, way to make a girl feel special!

I am often accused of over-sharing , and I will openly admit that usually, I am guilty as charged. Sometimes it is because I am trying to be funny, (self-deprecation being my preferred brand of humour), and other times (usually when I have no choice but to talk to someone who is clearly freaked out by my existence), it’s to make me seem more relatable or put them at ease, to make the situation more bearable for all concerned. This doesn’t always work by the way.
In the year I turned twenty-one, I was invited to a lot of twenty-firsts. mostly those of school friends, who made up the bulk of my friendship group at the time. There was one invitation that I received though, which made me want to shrivel up and die. Something I’m pretty sure a party invitation is not supposed to do.
Here’s the story…
One night I got a random call from a person who went to the same high school as I did, but who was several years ahead of me, and to whom I had never spoken (no idea how they got my number). They said they were arranging a surprise twenty-first birthday party for their partner (also in my year) and wanted me to come. Now, before you jump to any conclusions, yes there was a real party and yes, the partner was in my year. But it had been almost four years since we graduated, and I’d had absolutely no contact with them since that time. Given this, and the fact that I don’t think we even shared any classes, I was a bit confused by the whole thing.
My hesitancy did not deter them, though, and they insisted on giving me the details, along with a few suggestions for gifts. Then they added,” by the way, there might be some kids there too, and they have probably never seen anyone that looks like you before. So don’t be offended if they stare at you, or laugh, or whatever. Ok?”
I must have sounded a little taken aback, because the caller went on to tell me a story, which I think they assumed would explain their advice.
“When you started year eight, our Head of Year told us all about you at assembly. He advised us we weren’t to stare at or bully you, but to help wherever we can, if you needed it.”
I felt like throwing up. Gee mate, way to make a girl feel ‘special!’ “Why the hell was he bringing this up, now?” I thought to myself.
While the original extremely miss guided speech was probably well intentioned, (it was the 90s, and I’m sure the school was as experienced with disability as they were with taming lions), it was also assumably not meant for my ears.
Come to think of it, it’s a miracle I didn’t end up as a massive target, with a huge spotlight like that thrust upon me . I was never really bullied there though. Except by this one, no doubt inadequately endowed arsehole for whom roughing me up on the regular for a year, made him feel like a big man. But he was actually in the same grade as I was.
Oops, I digress…
The call ended not long after, but because at the time, I had not yet fully accepted that I was disabled, or funny. Looking, (or wasn’t fully allowed to, as the case may have been), the effects of knowing that assembly had ever taken place, took much longer to get over.
I did not go to the party.
XOXO

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Leader of the six pack

Fashionistas, back me up here. There are few things worse than spending ages putting together the perfect outfit for an event, only to discover that someone is wearing the exact same thing as you. Am I right? That very thing happened to me recently. Not  once, but five times on the same day, at the same event.

I am in love with a Kiwi (a human by the way, not the fruit or the bird), and when a New Zealander is your boyfriend, Rugby becomes a HUGE part of your life. This is how I came to be at the Perth leg of the 2024 HSBC World Rugby Sevens Series.

For those of you who don’t know, Rugby has two versions, Union and League, (and yes, I do know the difference). Then there is a ’spin-off’ version of union, which is played with seven players a side instead of the usual 15 and has a much shorter playing time. This type is what you’d see in the Olympics, and what is played  in the aforementioned tournament, which runs over three days.

To add to the fun, Simon (my boyfriend) had suggested that we go in costume. As he had done when he went to the tournament in Wellington New Zealand, where it was somewhat of the fashion.

I had my reservations, it’s summer in Perth in January (the event ran over the Australia Day long weekend), and  I didn’t want to melt. Plus, I attract stares, and aspersions are made on my cognitive abilities   in normal daywear. Did I really want to draw extra attention to myself? Further, I know the people of Perth are heavily into sport, but would they really dress up  for the event? What if I was the only one!

On the first day of the tournament, I went out onto my balcony, which looks out onto the stadium, (it sounds way cooler than it is). I could not see one single person wearing a costume. so needless to say, I was not going to wear one either! However, once we got inside and the day progressed, some truly astonishing beings appeared. There were Fairies, Rubber Duckies, Spider-Men, Darth Vader , Luke Skywalker, Storm Troopers, Witches, a Dinosaur, Friar Tuck, Julius Caesar, and oddly, three men dressed as Richie Benaud, who may or may not have stumbled into the wrong competition. The Sevens is a giant party, and many punters were  pretty Mary by this stage.

Not to be outdone, on the second day I went with my costume. I was dressed as a non- descript beer can, closely resembling Victoria Bitters, (that would make a fantastic drag name, by the way).  I was sat in my collapsible wheelchair, so I probably just looked like a can someone had tried to crush with one hand, actually.

During Covid, when we were all wearing masks everywhere we went, I read of  how many people with disability and/or facial differences were more confident in public, and how they found they were treated differently than in non-pandemic times.

In my costume, I was  like a woman possessed. I danced like nobody was watching, and I sang my little heart out, as the DJ spun his tunes. Much to Simon’s chagrin.

What was that about not drawing attention to myself?

 Strangely, people were acting differently towards me, too. Random people chatting with me , instead of  talking solely to Simon. I even made friends with the two blokes in front of us as we bonded over  how feral the 2003 Toohey’s Extra Dry commercial, AKA the ‘tongue ad’ is, as it’s tune, ‘Satisfaction’ by Benny Benassi, boomed around the stadium.

On the third day I rose again, having swapped costumes with Simon. This time, I was a non-descript beer bottle instead, and my  enthusiasm, (or rather my obnoxiousness)

had not abated. The Security Guard, who miraculously spoke to me for once, peered into my bag and asked, “didn’t you bring any drink?” This  tickled me given how I was dressed, and that Simon was dressed as a beer can, So I looked at her and said, “yep, he’s right behind me.” She didn’t find this funny. Never mind, I did!

We settled into our by now, very familiar seats and geared  up for the days play, when Simon spotted five people dressed in the same costume that I was wearing, who were  sitting a few rows in front of us. But there were only five of them , and that’s just silly. So, I made them an offer that, luckily for me, (I needed to find a situation to fit the title  I had already thought of for a blog I hadn’t written yet ), they couldn’t refuse. I told them that they needed me, to complete the ‘six pack,’ and they went along with the joke, chuckling (with me not at me), as we all posed for a photo together.

I am not usually that willing to interact with people I don’t know. Or sometimes, come to think of it, even with people I know very well. Was I getting ‘Dutch courage’ through osmosis? Or was I simply more acceptable, and thus more comfortable in a  can or bottle, rather than a wheelchair?  Either way, it was brew-tiful. Shame it can’t happen more often.

XOXO

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Heroes and villains

” You remain the hero of your own story, even when you are the villain in someone else’s. “Anthony Merra.

I have been meditating on this a lot lately, after I was attacked online by a relation of a family member, who has apparently been harbouring animosity towards me for removing myself from an ongoing toxic situation many years ago. Which, by the way, had nothing whatsoever to do with them at all.

The toxic situation was such that I was being “helped” (among other things), time and time again by certain people so much, and in ways so unnecessary, intrusive,  and inappropriate, that it became obvious that the “help” was rather more for others benefit than my own, and it had become very damaging TO ME .

For context, the culprits were very aware of my abilities. They were also acutely aware that I was able to assert myself where and when needed. They just weren’t willing to take any notice of it.

At first glance, their help could be seen as being caring, but once it stems to people literally shoving food (not to mention their grubby fingers) into your mouth or pressing drinks to your lips without warning, and following you into the toilet and remaining their while you do your business (remarking on your body all the while) “just cause I thought it’d help” is surely crossing some obvious lines, even to the most ignorant and/or unintelligent among us. . Particularly when you consider that I do not need, nor have I ever asked for that sort of help, especially not from them.

Further, the fact that I was asking over and over to be left alone was completely insignificant, as was any reference to my dignity. Have I mentioned this was well into my adulthood?

AS time went on, and with no one willing to help or stand up for me, for fear of causing “drama,” I began to get increasingly anxious whenever a gathering loomed, which was often. Afterward though, I’d usually be a mess, a mixture of frustration, humiliation, violation and isolation. Which those around me surmised as “over-reacting,” and subsequently ignored or ridiculed.

But that’s nothing to the immense guilt and vitriol heaped on me, when, after commencing sessions with a Psychologist I finally summoned my courage and decided enough was enough, cutting all ties for good.

This is where the quote comes in.

According to those who were not in my shoes, and who had no ability or desire to imagine themselves there, (AKA) everybody), the facts were that I needed the help (because they say so), they were the best ones for the job, (because they say so), and my shunning them was hurtful and disrespectful (because of course they say so, and their seniority  automatically implies their entitlement and my obligation), not to mention that I was extremely ungrateful.

Naturally I disagreed. Which as an adult (and a human being), I had every right to do. Further, I do not have to justify or apologise for  my position.

Until the relation contacted me, it had been a while since I’d given the situation any real thought. but after that ‘chat,’ I was right back there in an instant. and it convinced me that I had done the right thing, and that I will never change my mind.

Also, just for the record, I am not “a f***img c**t with no balls, (and not just because the phrase makes no sense at all).

I am Nina, and I am the hero of my own story. Like it, or not!

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I’m going on a job hunt

Its taken me a while to be able to say this out loud, (or have the nerve to write about it), but I am currently unemployed. No, I was not let go. I chose to leave my secure job, with an organisation I had been with for more than 19 years  (after months of careful consideration and planning I might add ), for a myriad of ethical and practical reasons, all by myself.

I haven’t told many people  because I really can’t stand the Spanish Inquisition that follows, especially when I add that I have no other job lined up., I  should have expected it though. Its as if they expect I am about to hit them up  for a loan, or ask for a lift to my nearest Centrelink office. I am not, by the way.

 Obviously it was not an easy decision to make , I dearly love the team I worked with, and a girl’s got to eat (thank goodness for stored up long-service and annual leave entitlements). but circumstances within the organisation  were such that my self-worth and confidence, along with my pride in, and passion for my work were at an all-time low. This was huge for me, and it affected my mental health.

I grew up hearing the words “you can’t/shouldn’t do that” A LOT, with  everyone insisting on doing things for me, even when I was quite capable of doing them for myself.  so working, and having my contribution not only recognised, but requested was always a source of pride and accomplishment for me that I couldn’t get anywhere else.  Losing that was a huge red flag, and I took it to mean that it  is time for a new challenge.

Also, I use screen reading software, (which is not cheap)  to carry out my       job. This, and my disability  in general make me an unappealing potential employee, despite my skills, qualifications and experience, (something I had forgotten in the 20 years since I was last jobless).

 Its 2023 and still many employers believe  disabled  candidates would be a burden or adversely affect productivity, despite extensive research to the contrary. Its so frustrating! Perhaps I should just not mention my disability at all until the interview, then show up and yell SURPRISE?! Maybe not.

Instead I’ve signed up with a Disability Employment Service (DES), who are meant to go into bat for me when I lodge an application. If I do snag a job, they help potential employers access the modifications, (or software in my case) I might need to do the job. Allegedly, making me a more savoury option. But, you can’t sign up with a DES if you are already employed. So, if I wanted to pursue other opportunities I had to leave the job I was in. 

I have thrown my hat into several different rings to date, And I have not had so much as a nibble from a single one as yet. I know this is the case for many jobseekers, but that doesn’t make it any less disheartening. Especially as its been nearly three months.

Luckily I belong to a few committees and advisory type groups that I can still contribute to. Otherwise I’d probably go mad.

I’m going on a job hunt ,and I AM scared! XOXO

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Is bettering yourself really good for your health?

So… Health and wellness is all the rage at the moment. The super shiny and impossibly perfect health and wellness influencers are all like, “eat your crusts, it’ll put hairs on your chest, “and “eat more asparagus, it’ll make your wee smell funny.” Or “do 100 squats daily while standing on 1 foot with a 100 kg anvil on your head while singing the national anthem for brighter, whiter teeth.” You know, daily snippets of inspiration to help us, the average Joe, live a better life.

But, is bettering yourself actually a good thing? I’m not sure it is…

I have been going to the gym and Pilates, on and off for more than a decade now. As a result, I’m more agile, and I’m certainly getting stronger.  But it comes at a cost.

At the start of winter, I went to my spare wardrobe, dug out all my jackets and tried them on. Unfortunately though, not even one fit me anymore. I know I eat much more sugar than is strictly necessary, (more on that later), but this did surprise me. Who ever heard of fat accumulating in the shoulders? Not me! Come to think of it, I have been told I am a fat head. Had the fat trickled down from there? Thankfully not, apparently I… (Wait for it) … am now too muscular in the back and shoulders. For my clothes. LOL.

I didn’t believe it either. So, I checked with Hannah, my trainer, and she confirmed it. I’m basically the Incredible Hulk. Just not as peaky looking. I hope. Clothes shopping anyone?

Then, there’s my biceps and triceps. Yep, welcome to the gun show.  We’re not talking about AK-47s here, more like spud guns, but still.

“My name is Nina, and I am a chocolate/marshmallow-holic.” And there’s no AA-style support groups I can turn to for this, I checked!

I have zero self-control. If there is any of the sweet stuff in my vicinity rest assured, I will sniff it out, eat It, and possibly even attempt to snort the remaining debris. Then, I will “skilfully” hide the evidence and replace what I’ve eaten with whatever I can find at the local Woollies. Which means I will almost always be found out. But anything for a hit, I guess. It’s like what I imagine having a heroin addiction to be, and these days, just as expensive.    

Recently, I was so desperate for a sweet  bump, I actually pulled myself up  onto my kitchen counter, guns-a-blazing (you thought I’d forgotten about the bicep/triceps thing, didn’t you?), in search of the marshmallows Simon had just bought and had tried to hide  beyond my reach, at my request. It took a while, but I found them (where there’s a will there’s a way), and I ate the lot.  

In hindsight, these are probably not the exploits of a well woman, (although I bet my mum’s really proud), but therein lies my point.  

Therefore, I can really only come to one conclusion. Bettering yourself is detrimental. So, never do any exercise, you probably won’t get the goodies you’re after, but at least you’ll be warm in winter.

XOXO

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Nina the heartbreaker

As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes even I say inappropriate things without being invited to, believing that my contribution will be the antidote. I know, shocking, isn’t it?

Like the time I was catching up with a friend and his then three-year-old son. The gorgeous little boy was excitedly filling me in on everything that had happened to him since last we met. Including that at day care recently he picked up a spider…

I totally lost my mind, not only because I myself am terrified of the eight Leggett horrors, but also because of the danger Mr Three may have narrowly avoided.

Panicked, I subsequently told him playing with spiders was incredibly dangerous, and begged him not to do it again. “I’m going to, “he told me defiantly. “ I want the spider to bite me so I can get special powers.”

That’s when it hit me, he thought he would become Spiderman. I had forgotten that this kid was the absurd superheroes’ biggest fan.

“That won’t happen,” I told him. “Spiderman isn’t real. “

He gave me a look of pure despair, and I literally saw the poor kid’s heart break. I felt like the world’s biggest bitch!

“What should I do now?” I thought to myself.  

“I could kick him while he’s down.  Perhaps tell him about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny? I could just rip off the bandaid, and probably be a hero. There might also be a killer rabbit at day care!”

But, I just couldn’t do it. Instead, I backpedalled for dear life.

I knelt down beside him and tentatively began, “I mean, that only happens where Spiderman lives.  Here in Australia, our spiders are very dangerous, and instead of giving you superpowers, they’ll just attack you, make you really sick, or kill you.” 

And, done! He might now have nightmares, but at least his heart is no longer broken. Good job Nina!

The next time I saw him he seemed to have forgotten all about it. Running up to me with an air of great excitement.

“Nina! “He shouted, “Did you know that ambulances say your name? “

I must have looked perplexed because next thing I know he starts chanting Niii-naaaa, niii-naaa, niii-naaa.” It was hilarious, (albeit unintentionally). .  

Seems there has been no permanent harm done. I guess I must be the necessary antidote after all.

🤣 XOXO

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That’s NOT A compliment!

As I am constantly reminded, you don’t come across people like me every day, sadly. So, often when people meet me there is a certain level of discomfort. Although my uniqueness is not an acceptable excuse.   I can almost hear their mind shouting, “I’m very uncomfortable, and I should probably say something that makes her think she’s not freaking me out though!” 

It’s amazing how good people think they are at hiding it. Sometimes, I try and break the tension with a funny, but when I’m feeling vindictive I might even call them on it. That’s when the compliments come out…

I didn’t even notice your disability:

My god! I hate when people feel the need to say this. What are you, blind? Coz I am and I noticed.  First of all, you’re obviously lying. I’m walking with a walking frame.  What do you think that’s for? It probably isn’t complimenting my outfit! It is a terrific alternative to carrying my handbag and jacket though.

Secondly, what would be wrong with you seeing (and acknowledging) my disability? I’m not ashamed of it, and nor should you be. If you think you’re being kind with this statement you’re not, my disability is part of my identity, which you are trying to erase. Further, being disabled has its perks. Priority parking (ACCROD) anyone? two for the price of one tickets to almost anything you might want to see/do (Companion Card)? Yes please! I suppose I won’t be able to take you anywhere with me though, because you don’t see my disability… oh well, sucks to be you!

I love hanging out with you. It always makes me feel so good/much better about myself by comparison:

I’ve had both of these said to me, with the speaker obviously thinking they were paying me a huge compliment. No, just know. I, as a disabled person do not exist to make you feel good about yourself. There are people who do exist to do that though, psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors, for example. Try them! Also, the thinly veiled assumption that my life is somehow less enriching than yours is a bit ironic (not to mention offensive).  Especially when you’re altruism and benevolence leaves you expecting me to pay for lunch/dinner/coffee in exchange for you having taken me out.  I learned that lesson the hard way!

You don’t need that, you’re not a stupid blind person:

This was said to me by someone who frankly, should have known better, as I was showing them how I could still use my iPhone even though I am blind.  

Just to clarify something that may not be obvious in writing, but was very apparent in the delivery, he was not telling me how intelligent I was. He was trying to reassure me that I wasn’t disabled. Wierdly though, he did suggest I ask my parents to read out all my texts and emails etc.  instead of using the accessibility features. And who wouldn’t want that?

It was almost as if he were saying “whatever you do, don’t let them know your disabled.”

But, the worst non complimentary compliments I receive come from those who want to pray for me to be healed.

Like the guy who  interrupted us mid-conversation  while we were out shopping one day and, while completely ignoring me, asked my companion for my full name so he could pray for me to be healthy and have a fulfilling life. I pointed out that I was perfectly fine thank you, but my boyfriend was at home sick from cancer. “I’m sure he’ll be okay,” said the random. “But, you’re sitting on a wheelchair!”

Sheesh!

X

Ask me anything!

You asked and I answered. Here is WHAT you wanted to know, and some things you didn’t. All from the gospel according to a Funny Looking kid!

Note: Some questions were very similar and have been mixed together.  

How do others react to your disability?

It depends who you ask. As a child most of my extended circle refused to acknowledge I even had one (ashamed I presume), and the word ‘disability’ was a forbidden dirty word. My Nonna insisted I was just cursed by the Evil Eye, and performed regular rituals to rid me of it. Until I was old enough to know what she was doing and refused to participate anymore. Much to her displeasure.

Outside of that, I do get stared and laughed at a lot, and I am constantly applauded for doing the most mundane of things like brushing my teeth, which everyone does.

People jump in unbidden and takeover things from me as they assume I want/need their help, even as I am doing them for myself. Its 2023 and only due to my disability, it still is assumed I’m a burden to others even though I live independently, work, and pay my taxes. Funny that no one ever wants to do THAT FOR ME.

The worst THING is when people assume my physical disability means I am intellectually disabled too. I get spoken to like I am a toddler, and often people look straight through me to speak to whoever I am with, even if I have had prior contact. They ask my companion things like “how does she feel,” when I try something on for example. Medical professionals are particularly prone to doing this.

What are the major challenges you face in the community??

Definitely society’s rock bottom low expectations of disabled people.

I think often accessibility is non-existent because people don’t expect “someone like you” to come here/be interested in this/want to be involved.

The other thing is that people assume that if you are out in public, you are public property. I have had strangers take unauthorised photos of or with me, just because they have never seen the like of me before. People also think its ok to touch me without permission.

But the thing that annoys me the most is that without knowing anything about me, people still assume my life is sad and pointless, just because I’m disabled.

What was school like for you?

Generally, school was pretty average, I went to a ‘normal’ school and did pretty much what the other kids did. I was however, the only disabled in the village. I was a middle of the road kind of student the whole way through. In high school I gravitated towards the lower level subjects, and electives I thought I’d ease through, deciding I wasn’t going to try for my TEE very early on. Looking back after many years seeing a Psychologist, I realise that this was just in case I failed and people said “See, told you she couldn’t do it,” or words to that effect.

I WAS VERY KEEN TO PARTICIPATE IN ASSEMBLIES AND THE CHOIR, AND WOULD JOIN ANY CLUB THAT WOULD HAVE ME. I got up the courage to audition for the school’s production of The Sound of Music and was cast as a random Nun. Unfortunately though, after attending all the rehearsals, I broke my leg doing the Macarena (a non-leg related dance), and had to pull out two weeks before opening night.

By today’s standards, I got off lightly with bullies.  When I started school I was a precocious child who used “big words.”  I would never talk, I would converse and instead of an explanation, you’d get my synopsis. A girl with lots of influence disliked this and chastised me so much about it (often recruiting others), I stopped. In high school one boy took an instant dislike to me because of my disability, often using disabled slurs and eventually physical violence. But, I think the biggest bully I had was infact a teacher, who never missed the chance to belittle and humiliate me. They especially loved an audience. I left school with far less self-assurance than I started with.

How do you deal with criticism and/or abuse?

When I was a child, the staring and ridicule made me cry. Then, as I got older, it became frustrating too. Not to mention soul-destroying. I also found it confusing because as mentioned above, I wasn’t allowed to be disabled, yet there was obviously something ‘wrong’ with me that I couldn’t put my finger on and no one properly acknowledged.

Nowadays I can openly acknowledge and embrace my disability, which makes it easier, and I can see the perks that come with it.

It also helps that now I am deaf blind I don’t usually notice it. When I do though I do try and call people out (where possible), or I just store it away for use in a blog. Writing about it is very cathartic. It also acts as a warning to others. The important thing to remember is that you can’t argue with stupid. You can write about them though, they probably won’t read it, and if they do they won’t recognise themselves anyway!

Is there anything your disability stops you from doing that you wish you could do?

There are lots of things I can’t do that I’d like to blame my disability on, like cooking for example. Although I did manage crispy salmon the other day. Unfortunately though, it was meant to be steamed…oops.

I used to be a whiz on the computer, however since going blind in 2009 my abilities are greatly reduced as many of the websites I visit and/or programs I use are not fully accessible with my screen reading software.  

I’d also love to get up and go out on a whim, but excursions of any kind usually require plenty of notice and pre-planning.

Thanks to everyone who posed a question, sorry if I didn’t get to yours. Hopefully, there will be other AMA posts in the future.

 If you’ve got a question you’re itching to ask, please get in touch. Don’t be shy, if I don’t want to answer a particular query, I just won’t.

XOXO

My top three online dating nightmares

Being disabled, and funny-looking, people often assume that I am asexual, and not necessarily by choice. SPOILER ALERT! I am not.

You may also be surprised to learn, despite my uniqueness I actually get a lot of attention online dating. Toot toot toot.

But, some interactions are better than others. These are my top three online dating nightmares.

1.   Can I help you?

I once had a guy message me out of the blue, saying ‘I hope I am not giving you false hope, but I’d love to take you out for coffee to discuss your dating issues and see how I can help you.’ I politely declined. I don’t drink coffee.

Ironically, after receiving this message I had a look at his profile, and honestly I wouldn’t have given him a second look.  

Sadly, this is not a one-off. So many people (once discovering that I am disabled and thus, not a dating prospect), offer to ‘stay in touch’ in case I need help with anything. AS long as that’s all though!  

You’d think it’d be flattering. Funnily enough, it’s not. Nor is it genuine. Actually, it’s cowardly.

To be clear, I was on the site to find a relationship, not a carer!

2.   Can you help me? 

I was chatting to a guy, and once online became over the phone, I realised he was THE MOST BORING MAN IN HISTORY, (even with the lovely French accent). Plus, we had been chatting for more than a month, but he had no desire to meet (red flag!). Anyway, eventually he had to go on a ‘work trip’ to the USA for six weeks (he’s a ‘Geologist’), and wouldn’t you know it, he lost his credit card in transit. Can you see where this is going? Of course you can, he asked me for $5000 (which he would pay me straight back) so he could finish his contract. I said no, and I never heard from him again. I wish I knew why, that budding relationship seemed so promising!

3.   Curiosity.

  Then there are the guys who think they spot my disability immediately, (well done Sherlock), and hit me up for what I once heard described as a ‘fascination fuck.’ Indeed, I even had someone message me to say he’d never slept with a disabled person before, but I could be the lucky lady. “I’ll bring protection,’ he charmingly added. Maybe I should be on Only Fans?

Needless to say, there are also the trolls who get their jollies from insulting my appearance and intelligence.  Lest I forget the smooth guy who sent me the message simply saying “what’s wrong with you face?” Amazingly, his incredible wit and immense bravery, not to mention excellent grammar 

 didn’t win me over either.

It’s not all bad though. There are also some lovely people to meet online too.

Never-the-less, thank goodness that part of my life is over!

XOXO

When they say “ take a picture, it will last longer”…

So I was out with Simon, minding my own business and admiring the installations of the Rio Tinto Christmas Lights trail in the Perth CBD last Saturday night, when something very weird happened…

A guy told us (actually he told Simon), his wife wanted a photo with me (note: I said told, not asked), and I assure you it wasn’t because she was a fan of my blog!

Being there to enjoy a festive night out with my boyfriend, I just wanted to get this very awkward situation over with quickly, and seeing as how the wife had already crouched down and put her arm                             around me in readiness, I let them have the picture.

Afterward, I felt a bit violated, and if I’m honest, it virtually ruined my night.

Now, you might be thinking “you could have just said no,” and you’d be right. But remember, these two people were strangers, and I was just going about life like everyone else. So, I’d argue that apart from being weird, it was rude, and even ablest for them to ask. What were they planning to do with it? Create a ‘hilarious meme, or tear jerking piece of inspiration porn, with me as the subject? No thank you!

Perhaps they just wanted it as a momento of ‘how lucky they are?’ Or worse, a testament to their benevolence.

Either way, it’s  not cool. Nor is it in anyway flattering, so don’t even go there!

If I had declined, (remember that the wife was already posing), It could have caused an argument, and thus, a scene. Ironically making me the unreasonable one.

Yes, I was out, and yes we were taking photos of each other, and together. as couples are prone to do.

Is this still an oddity? It shouldn’t be!

Contrary to what seems to still be popular opinion, ‘people like me’ do not ‘appear’ in public to make everyone else feel better about themselves. To quote our former Prime Minister, “that’s not my job.”

Further, if you feel entitled and make assumptions, you’re an ass.

“But hang on, Nina, aren’t you assuming the worst about these people’s intentions?” I hear you cry.

No, I am making an educated guess based on my lived experience.

What about you?

XOXO

 

PS, if ever you come across a derogatory meme or post about a disabled person on social media, including those that seem inspirational or helpful. Please do not share them, they only perpetuate disability as a spectacle.